


Then and Now

by kyoselflove



Category: Dir en grey, Jrock
Genre: Adultery, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Come Eating, Crossdressing, Daddy Kink, Ephebophilia, Language, M/M, Military Homophobia, Murder, Older Man/Younger Man, Omorashi, Sexual Content, Smut, Underage Sex, Urination, Watersports
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-03-07 00:52:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3154685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These were all memories that he would never forget. Now as he stood in the crowd, their cheering loud in his ears, shoves and tugs moved his body around as he stared at Kaoru on the stage, every moment seemed to fade away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Then and Now

**Author's Note:**

> My birthday fic to myself.

Just as the flame ignited against the loose strands of tobacco the door opened. After sucking in the harsh smoke of his cigarette, he glanced over at the newcomer. Prim and proper in his damn suit. “You’re late.” A well-manicured finger closed the zippo shut.

“I know, I would have come sooner but my wife—“ 

“Kaoru, I don’t want to hear about your damn wife.” Putting out his cigarette after inhaling one more lung full of toxin, he spread his legs. The cheap fabric from the hotel comforter felt itchy against his bare thighs. “Are you going to fuck me or not?”

Lounging in position, he watched as Kaoru removed his articles of clothing. The older man was so particular with his belongings, folding them and gently placing them on the dresser. He let out a whine at the slow pace Kaoru was going and let his hand slip under his skirt. “Come on, Daddy. I need you inside me.”

The older man moved between his legs, which automatically he rested on Kaoru’s shoulders. Kaoru had told him once that he liked the feel of his fishnets rubbing against his skin. Every time, he wore a short skirt, fishnets or tights and heels. His chest left bare, one thing Kaoru loved to do was suck on his nipples as he buried himself deep inside. Before the older man ever showed up, he would make sure he was fully prepared so he could just slide right in.

Kaoru took one of his rosy buds into his mouth, sucking on it hard enough to make him squirm. Then it was released and the older man was breathing against his ear. “Did you miss me?”

“Yes. Please Daddy. Fuck me.” He had been waiting long enough and he needed to be fulfilled now.

The skirt was lifted up and the pressure of Kaoru’s cock pressed against him, he let out a moan once it pushed all the way into him. Powerful thrusts made his legs slip off Kaoru’s shoulders, down to rest on his ass. “You’ll never stop fucking me, right?”

Letting out a growl, Kaoru said, “Never.”

“Good, don’t stop. I’m yours Daddy.” He moaned, Kaoru’s hands slipped down to his ass, pulling his cheeks farther apart and he leaned down again to take a nipple into his mouth. Then Kaoru pulled away from him, on instinct he reached for him, pulling him back and let out a pitiful sound. He needed him to come back.

“Flip over baby.” Kaoru’s voice was so demanding, it made him gladly do as he was told.

He moaned and pushed back against Kaoru when he thrust back in. Hands kept a firm grip on his hips, their pace faster and he couldn’t stay quiet, letting whimpers out with each breath.

“You’re such a good boy.” Kaoru purred in his ear.

“Thank you, Daddy.” Grunting out the words between moans, he felt his sweaty face sticking to the pillowcase. Clutching the pillow, he lifted his ass higher in the air, Kaoru moved in deeper. The sound of their skin slapping together comes to a halt when Kaoru pull out once again. “Daddy…” He whined, fed up with the feeling of emptiness. 

He felt the bed dip beside him, he moved the dampened bangs out of his face to see Kaoru smiling down at him and giving his thigh a pat. “Totchi, show me how much you love my cock.”

Toshiya grinned and crawled on to the older man’s lap, guiding Kaoru’s hard cock into him with ease. Bouncing up and down, he steadied himself against Kaoru’s chest. Kaoru’s large hands held him down, making his hectic movements turn into small humps and Toshiya knew what was coming. “Fill me up, Daddy.”

Kaoru grunted and Toshiya felt his hot release inside him making his hips quiver. A few quick strokes to his erection and Toshiya came in his hand, a little bit of his semen landing on Kaoru’s chest. Smirking, he smeared the sticky substance into the older man’s chest hair, earning him a slap on the hand. “Quit it.”

Then he was empty again; Kaoru went to take a shower while he just wiped his hand off on a towel. Well, not completely empty. He could feel Kaoru’s cum trying to leak out; he closed his legs and lie down on the bed, wanting to keep it in. Kicking off his heels, he waited for Kaoru to finish his shower.

“Are you staying the night?” He asked when Kaoru emerged from the bathroom.

“Why?” The older man walked across the room with a towel wrapped around his midsection and started to put on his clothes.

Toshiya frowned, knowing that Kaoru wasn’t going to stay after all. “You paid for the night, might as well use it up.”

“You can, I have a speech in the morning.” Kaoru was pulling up his pants and just in time ducked whatever object flew by his head. “What the fuck?”

“Fuck you, you fucking hypocrite!” Toshiya screamed at him, trying to find something else to throw. 

Kaoru advanced on him, pinning his wrists against the mattress, the older man moved over him. “Will you calm the fuck down before someone hears you?” Hissing in his ear, Kaoru glared at him.

“I hope someone does you piece of shit.” Toshiya squirmed, trying to free himself.

“I really don’t have time for one of your temper tantrums.” The holds on his wrists were finally let up and Kaoru went back to putting on his clothes, quicker this time.

“Of course not, _Daddy_.” Making sure to spit out the last word, Toshiya ran into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. Leaning against the door, he huffed and tried not to cry when he heard the hotel room door open and close. When he peaked out, Kaoru was already gone.

A warm leak of cum rolled down his thigh, using the wall for support; he brushed his finger over the semen and brought it to his mouth. He wanted Kaoru back.

This whole agreement of an affair started a few months ago. That was when Toshiya didn’t know who Kaoru really was and didn’t know he would just be left in the dark like this. 

 

It started when Kaoru came to his school, giving a speech about how we should stay away from drugs, or whatever. Toshiya didn’t really listen to it, as he was mesmerized by how much he wanted Kaoru. After the assembly, Toshiya sought him out and offered an innocent smile. “Hello, I liked your talk.”

Kaoru turned up his lips and raised an eyebrow, “Really? Which part?” That was when he knew he had him. During the whole lecture, their eyes kept meeting and at first Toshiya thought it was in his head but now he knew it wasn’t, this man wanted him.

Licking his lips, then darting his eyes around them, while no one paid attention, Toshiya whispered. “I love every part.” His gaze wondered over Kaoru’s body, the reaction he received from the older man was just what he wanted.

The principle interrupted, giving Kaoru a handshake and Toshiya walked away backwards, giving him one last smile before heading outside.

Waiting in the parking lot, skipping whatever class he had next, he saw Kaoru headed towards him alone. Crowded around students and teachers cars, they held a somewhat private location. “Hi.”

Standing next to him, Kaoru smiled almost shyly, “Hi.”

Eventually they found themselves in a decent hotel about twenty kilometers outside town. The sex was amazing and exactly what Toshiya had been missing. It was the beginning of burning surge in his heart that he would have to keep hidden, but as time went on it became harder and harder to do so. 

“Damn.” Toshiya sucked in a breath that mingled in with a moan. Middle-aged men did know what the hell they were doing in the bedroom, that rumor was true. After this he would never fuck anyone his age again.

“How old are you?” Kaoru asked out of the blue, almost oddly relative to his thoughts.

“Aren’t you supposed to ask that before fucking?” Moving closer to the older man, Toshiya twirled Kaoru’s pubic hair between his fingers. “Fourteen.”

He waited to be pushed away, or for a fit of anger but Kaoru just sighed and wrapped an arm around him.

 

After the first month, they became more comfortable with each other. Being able to share kinks with someone, so easily was what made them work.

As Toshiya tasted the cum on his finger, he remembered a few weeks ago, which was one of his favorite times with Kaoru.

 

“You didn’t go did you?” Kaoru looked at him and pressed down on his body right over his bladder, making him hiss.

“No! If you keep doing that I will!” Wearing blue silk panties, he could see a shade darker where some piss already leaked out.

“Isn’t that the idea?” Kaoru murmured against his bare chest. Then grabbed him by the hips, making him straddle the older man’s thighs. A yelp escaped him at the movement more piss leaking out.

“I really have to go Daddy!” Toshiya whined squeezing his thighs together but Kaoru held him in place. 

“Then go.” He didn’t need to be told twice, once he let go, he couldn’t stop. A steady flow of urine poured out, making his panties wet quickly and then soaking Kaoru’s boxers. 

While Toshiya still felt the euphoria of releasing his bladder, Kaoru pushes his panties aside and bucked his hips up, his cock inching its way inside him. “That’s it baby.” 

Toshiya moans at the combination, his piss now coating over Kaoru’s lower stomach and his cock hitting against Toshiya’s sweet spot every thrust. Bladder empty, Toshiya slumped against Kaoru, feeling his hot urine against his chest. His lover kept up with pounding into him, Toshiya came first. “Cum in me, Daddy.”

“Don’t worry baby, I know how eager your ass is.” Kaoru held his head with one hand, breathing heavily into his hair while his other still held his hip. Then he was filled like he always was and Toshiya let out a moan, pressing his lips to Kaoru’s and to his surprise the older man kissed him back.

 

Instead of the taste of Kaoru’s mouth, which he could no longer remember how it was, he had the salty remainder of cum on his tongue. Sliding his finger out, he took off his skirt and fishnets. Turning off the lights, he slid into bed, holding the comforter close, and smelled Kaoru’s musky scent.

Colors danced across the ceiling when his phone lit up. It was only a message from his mom, hoping he was enjoying his sleepover. He replied what any good son would do, with a simple, yes and I love you. If only she knew what he was really up to lately. 

Stirring from his sleep, he smelt the heavy scent of liquor and then he felt someone holding him. It was Kaoru; he could tell from the cologne he was wearing, Toshiya bought it for him. Plus who else would sneak into the hotel room? His heart felt warm because of the fact he had come back to spend the night. 

The clock read two in the morning and Toshiya groaned. “You up baby?” He jumped, not expecting Kaoru to be awake.

“Yeah.” Turning in the embrace, he faced Kaoru in the darkness. “You came back.”

“I couldn’t let you sulk by yourself.” Rough fingers traveled down his naked body, stopping at his ass, and in one movement a finger was inside him, feeling his cum that was left there from earlier. “You always keep me inside you, don’t you baby?”

“Yes, Daddy.” He moved closer, their noses brushed against another. Their second kiss, Kaoru’s natural taste was masked by whatever nasty liquor he drank that night, and it was sloppy, his lips becoming wet. Prickles of Kaoru’s goatee scraped against his skin, he whimpered into his mouth, moving against the finger that was inside his ass.

“You found out who I am, didn’t you?” Kaoru whispered against his lips, for a moment this was real, the two of them. Like a real couple that they could never be. All he could do was nod, he stilled and the finger was removed from his body.

Kaoru worked for the government, controlled by the military and he was an officer. Which one he didn’t bother to find out. What he did know was that Kaoru was part of the reason; people like him, and Kaoru were put to death. “Are you going to have me killed?”

“Of course not. But next time, don’t be so loud like that, or they will find us and it will be out of my control.” Kaoru had an influence over Toshiya, that he knew what would be the end result, if he acted out like that again. “You need to cut your hair too. It’s getting to long.”

Pouting, he moved one of his legs in-between Kaoru’s and resting his head on his chest. “I don’t want too.”

“I love you, you know?” Kaoru again whispered, a firm hand rubbing against his back. 

Toshiya couldn’t bring himself to say it back, even though he did love this man so much. Because now that Kaoru had said it, the affair between them was over.

 

These were all memories that he would never forget. Now as he stood in the crowd, their cheering loud in his ears, shoves and tugs moved his body around as he stared at Kaoru on the stage, every moment seemed to fade away. Four boys around his age and two men were on their knees with their hands bound. The boys were crying, not being able to accept what was to come while the men stared off into the distance, compliant of their fate.

Wearing his military uniform, Kaoru looked even more handsome and desirable, but Toshiya had to suppress his yearnings, he felt guilty for even thinking about it at a time like this. 

Kaoru spoke up, listing the names of those who were going to be condemned, Toshiya spaced out, not wanting to remember them, “…You all have been found guilty of homosexual activity and are hereby sentenced to death.”

He watched on as Kaoru brought the gun to the back of the first boy’s head, their eyes locking like that day at the assembly, there were in a similar auditorium. A shot rang out, Toshiya jumped by reflex, not breaking eye contact as he heard the body thud against the stage.

Standing behind the second boy, Kaoru broke eye contact and fired. Toshiya sucked in a shaky breath, a tear slipped down his face, which he wiped away in an instant. The people enjoyed this, if he gave away the sickness he felt at witnessing this, he would be subject to suspicion. Even Kaoru held a forced smile after each execution. Often he would wonder if it was a real one, that he didn’t know Kaoru at all.

Thinking of their last night together, he never did cut his hair, now he stood with it grown past his shoulders. Making him easy pray to end up on stage just like them. Today was his fifteenth birthday; all he wanted was to see Kaoru again, even if it meant his death.

Usually, he stayed hidden and far away from this district where it was the worst. But he risked his life today to see the one man he missed more than anything, even if he had to witness the deaths of six innocent lives. The last shot sounded, Toshiya closed his eyes, trying to ignore the applauses around him. Not letting them open until he heard Kaoru’s voice again.

“Take care of the bodies.” Kaoru was talking to the other soldiers on stage; Toshiya was close enough to hear him, when the older man walked off the platform Toshiya followed quickly behind him.

He found him alone in one of the back rooms, that he heard used to be a dressing room, when the stage held light hearted entertainment and the dark ones that people had become accustomed to today. “Daddy.” Old habits die hard.

“Totchi, what are you doing here?” Giving a heavy sigh, Kaoru looked at him through the mirror. The lines around his eyes were more prominent then he remembered, maybe Kaoru had aged more than he thought since he last saw him.

“I wanted to see you.” He was grabbed and thrown, pain went up his back as he connected to the wall.

“You’re suicidal.” Kaoru clenched his teeth, his hand around Toshiya’s neck. “You want to end up like them?”

“It’s better to be dead than without you.” Managing to say the words even though Toshiya’s air supply was being cut off.

The hand clenched around his throat moved into his hair, yanking him forward and slamming his lips into Kaoru’s, they shared their third kiss, one that was full of desperation.

Breaking apart, Toshiya looked into the older man’s troubled eyes and moved his lips into a smile. “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are love <3


End file.
